New Year, Same Question: "Can You Give Me A Ride to the Airport?"
I’m beginning 2018 on an airport floor. When I climbed into a car outside of JFK in New York City only a little over two months ago, exhausted from the 10+ hour flight from Barcelona to Russia and back to the States, I said to my mom: “I will not be flying for awhile.” She rolled her eyes. “Yeah right.” It’s only 6 hours into the new year and here I am at boarding gate C4 (without my flight pillow, my headphones, or my book). I could do with leaving some of my floaty, forgetful nature in 2017, but I’d chose no other place to ring in the new year than about to hop a plane. In 2017, I took 10 flights across the oceans to get to and through 3 different countries (5 if we’re including airport stops). 1 of those countries I backpacked entirely alone. I divided my home between 2 different states, explored 6 along the East Coast. I wouldn’t even want to add up the actual number of hours I spent in airports waiting for flights, rides, WiFi, or daylight. All along the way I found family from across the globe: Croatia, Britain, Estonia, Malaysia, Serbia, London, Ireland, Russia, Canada... And over and over I stopped to look around me, and found myself breathless.
In 2017, I started this blog, an endeavor that I thought about for years, but always talked myself out of—convinced that I didn’t have the right words to say just yet. I began training to teach yoga, a practice that has opened up and shifted so many parts of me. I surrendered in my own poses, got on my head and my hands and flipped my perspective upside-down, despite all the "what-if-i'm-not-good-enough's."
In 2017, I continued a deep and daunting unblocking of myself, dropped so much useless guilt and shame that I’ve been carrying since I was way too young and weak for the weight of it. I worried less about being misunderstood, and trusted that those that didn’t or wouldn’t were meant to fall away. I left jobs, relationships, and situations that I knew just weren't right, even when I wasn't quite sure why, even when I wasn’t sure that I was ready to let go of them yet. I trusted that God would fill the new spaces with what I needed, was shown that when the Universe sees you’re noticing what you’re worth, you can tap into some sort of magic, of power, of co-creation. I heard the voice of my intuition singing up ahead and began to listen, to trust, to be led. To ignore everything else.
In 2017, I became an aunt to the most precious, perfect little creature. I deepened friendships, silver and gold, as I began to learn what it feels like to truly listen and lead and heal. I was often surrounded with more love than I felt I could hold—or ever give back. And just as often cradled myself in my solitude, safe and supported as a daisy nestled in its flower bed. Roots crawling deeper.
In 2017, I stayed sober through every ache, pain, and mistake that I made. I had moments where I thought maybe I’d lost all the peace of mind, all the sanity that I've worked for and clung onto, a vine weaving tighter around and around a crumbling pillar. Had nights, had mornings where leaving everything behind felt like a better option that sitting inside of myself for one more moment. I kept walking, watched my mom grab God’s hand and start walking with us—the best friend I’ve only ever dreamed of, a woman with an excitement for life that matched mine, a mother holding her daughter in her arms for what felt like the first time. I learned clinging isn't necessary; we only keep what we let go of.
In 2017, I cracked myself open again and again, forgoing my fears of what was hidden, determined to discover more of what I was made of, to wring it all out, keep only what served me still. I opened to my femininity, to softness, to who I am as a woman—with fur coats and pink tones and dancing and curves. I realized, over and over, that no one's blessing mattered but my own.
This year, I often felt as if I was drifting out of my body and into the stars, watching from above—jaw slightly ajar, eyes bright with wonder with confusion with awe, as God shattered and shook my perceived limitations and fears like busted meteors. Took dreams that I’d thought of once or twice, but wrote off as impossible, and laid out a trail of divine gumdrops for me to follow. Through jungles and oceans and back alleys of sweetness. Hand in hand.
And yet I’m deeply aware that this is only the beginning of a co-creation, of a magic that I've found—which only means that my eyes are finally open enough to see it. And more open all the time. The magic’s been there all along. It's right there in front of you too. We see it when we believe it; it’s not the other way around.
So to keep the momentum going, to keep myself accountable, and to hopefully inspire at least one other person to set some themselves...
2018 Intentions (AKA New year, Same list obsession)
✨ STOP PLAYING SMALL. I’ve been hearing this phrase thrown around a lot lately, but I spent the last month of 2017 tuning into what it means for me. To own who I am—shadow and light—and to not shrink before anyone. To claim wholeness over goodness. Authenticity over being "liked." It means becoming more loyal to myself and to my dreams than to my fears. More specifically, I want to begin to help and inspire others on a more macro scale, instead of just in individual relationships, whether it be through writing or teaching yoga or whatever other outlet the Universe wants to throw at me.
✨ FOCUS AND GROUND MY ENERGY. I spend a lot of time floating around in the clouds which can often translate to procrastination. I have so many passions and ideas that I often can't actually finish or follow through with any of them. Harnessing my scattered energy is crucial so that I can actually finish projects and achieve more goals. (If I could even finish one creative project in 2018 that would a damn accomplishment.)
✨ LEARN everything I possibly can about intuition and manifestation, so that I can more consciously create. Delve deeper into astrology and start bringing it to others.
✨ QUIT eating sugar (or AT LEAST only eat it on special occasions/when it feels worth it for me). Learn more about Ayurveda and incorporate it into my eating habits and daily self-care.
✨SHED MORE LAYERS. This means releasing old, limiting patterns, habits, and past trauma which has translated to roles in my life which are no longer serving me. This means revealing my shadow aspects, the things about myself that I don't love or want to look at. It means bringing them to light and accepting them as part of who I am as a whole. Also, release relationships that drain my energy as opposed to filling me up, or at least find peace in creating distance.
✨ACCEPT MY BODY in each present moment, again and again and again until it sinks in deeper than the obsessions with weight, with perfection, with society’s representation of beauty, with what I think I "should" look like. Expose the shit out of these fears if it means helping others, helping myself. Fall deeper in love with softness and with being a woman. Help other women find greater peace within themselves and their bodies, too.
✨BEGIN a memoir. Write and write and write and send stuff out to publications until I find my place. Find a job writing for an online magazine (specifically one centered around wellness, spirituality, astrology, or creative nonfiction). Figure out what business/career I want to create for myself and start to begin.
✨TEACH YOGA. Keep a consistent, strong practice (if for nothing else, to prove to myself that I can follow through and be consistent in anything). Trust myself in inversions.
✨ CONSISTENT MEDITATION, too. For the sake of it. For peace. For listening to divine guidance.
✨CONTINUE TO SEEK LIGHT, LOVE, AND GOD. Seek to be so full that it overflows. Seek greater clarity on what I want for my life—regardless of others' views or expectations AND my own.
✨OPEN MYSELF to romantic love. Lean into (instead of out of) a relationship. Be the person that I want to be with.
✨TRAVEL to at least 5 new destinations, definitely including South and Central America and more states in the US out west. Move out of York again—taking an even bigger leap this time out of the comfort of "home" and build that somewhere new. Move any blocks that tell myself I’m not worthy. Move mountains. Help others to get moving, too.
"I stopped looking for the light. Decided to become it instead." —Francheska
In revisiting my intentions and adding to them, my doubts immediately try to creep in. Is this a bit much, Lizz? Do you really think you can do all this in a year...? And in sitting with those doubts for a minute, I'm clear that there's no reason not to believe I can do all this in a year if I set out to. I know that more will manifest as well. I know that my second-guessing is bullshit, that my limitations are only as real as I make them. The Universe has my back. Stranger things have happened. ;)
With a super moon in Cancer on day 1 of 2018, there's no better time to take a moment to figure out what youwant this year. Then, write it down. This give your intentions power. See what transpires. Even better: share your list with me (or with anyone). I'd love to discuss it with you.
Stay tuned for all the past adventures I still haven't had a chance to write about yet, plus this week's journey through Texas! I'm so grateful for all of you that take the time to read these silly little posts, or look at my pictures on social media, or ask me questions. It has made me realize that no experience is complete until it's shared. It has been my favorite part of 2017.
Thank you. And all the love and magic in the world to you and yours this year.